I saw Baz Luhrmann's "The Great Gatsby" this weekend, and though I knew that it ran the risk of being spectacularly good or spectacularly awful (Luhrmann doesn't do 'meh,' films,) I was surprised to find myself a bit confused by it. There were some generally awful parts- the hammy acting (mostly on behalf of Toby Macguire,) and the obvious, on-the-nose SYMBOLISM moments (such as Leo reaching toward the green light in the most unrealistic, cheesy manner,) as well as some irritating personality quirks (notably, Leo's drawling way of calling everyone "old spore," tacking it onto the end of every sentence as an afterthought.)
However, it did have some good moments- the party scenes were wild, lively, and debaucherous, and Jay Z's collection of updated dubstep and house music seemed oddly fitting and interesting. The costumes and scenery were beautiful, and Leo made as great a Gatsby as he could have.
The movie will definitely find itself relegated to someone's list of Guilty Pleasures, and thinking of this has lead me to ponder my own guilty pleasures. I don't just have Guilty Pleasures the way some people do- there are some films I like that are genuinely bad, but I like them anyway, and there are others that are middle-to-decent movies that I just like more than I should.
Anyway, here are my top Guilty Pleasures.
Never Been Kissed
Released: 1999
Starring: Drew Barrymore, David Arquette, Molly Shannon, John C. Reilly
I do not care for romantic comedies, as a whole. I find 99% of them to be pedantic and stupid, and by in large, they live up to that label, possibly none more so than this 1999 vehicle about a dorky copywriter who is asked to 'go undercover' to discover what high school is really like, and therefore gets to live her own geeky high school years over again. Drew Barrymore plays the titular copywriter, Josie, as a mixture of a frightened poodle and a soccer mom, constantly correcting people's grammar and waxing poetic about how she's 'never kissed a guy and really felt that... thing.' (Thing, apparently, meaning fireworks and sparkles, not penises.)
Drew really is in her element here: she makes Josie a charming and sympathetic protagonist that we can't help but root for. Her brother, played by David Arquette, also decides to return to high school (to play baseball, apparently,) even though he's in his late twenties, and Molly Shannon and John C. Reilly round out the cast as the Horny Best Friend and the Screaming Newspaper Editor Who Ends Up Falling for Said Horny Best Friend, respectively. The movie suffers from the same weaknesses that many high school movies suffer from- all of the actors seem to be about 32 years old, they speak in a way that no high school age kid ever would, ("You guys, 'rufus' is my new cool word! Spread it around like wildfire!' Like that chick is totally rufus!"), ridiculous character stereotypes, and the fact that high school is treated like the End All, Beat All of existence.
Further, it raises some interesting (and mildly disturbing) questions, particularly when Josie's teacher, Mr. Coulson (because, he's the cool teacher, get it?), starts developing an attraction to her. They flirt and do all sorts of inappropriate things (though nothing that would land Mr. Coulson on the sex offender's registry,) and Josie even ends up accidently getting Mr. Coulson outed in the newspaper for flirting with teenagers. Of course, this will put a damper on your romantic relationship, and it's pretty safe to say that Mr. Coulson would have found himself fired from the school, even though by happy serendipity Josie ended up being 25. Rob, also, finds himself a high school hottie to hang out with, though they never cross the line, but just imagine what the PTA would have thought if they knew it was so easy for almost-30 year old men to enroll in school and flirt with their daughters?
Overall, "Never Been Kissed" is a guilty pleasure for me because it is so relatable- everybody kind of wishes they could go back and relive their high school days, but be better at it. But also, aside from Drew Barrymore being genuinely compelling as dorky Josie, the movie kind of looks back on high school as a delightful time that you look back on sort of fondly, but mostly are glad that its over- which is exactly how most people feel about high school. :)
Showgirls:
Released: 1994
Starring: Elizabeth Berkley, Kyle Maclachlan, Gina Gershon
Here it is, folks: one of the biggest, most notorious stinkers in movie history; a movie so infamously bad that there are whole drinking games dedicated to it. A movie so badly written, so terribly acted, so miserably directed that it has no choice but to be the guiltiest of all guilty pleasures: Showgirls. The movie that singlehandedly set feminism back 1000 years, "Showgirls" was actually intended to be a huge success and to bring the NC-17 rating back into style. Unfortunately, the opposite happened- the movie tanked in a massive way, killed the NC-17 rating, and destroyed Elizabeth Berkley's career. (You know that feminist character on Saved By the Bell? This is that same woman, but totally naked for half the movie, licking vagina juice off a pole.)
Showgirls truly is the perfect storm- awful characters, namely Nomi Malone, a hooker-turned-stripper-turned-Vegas-Showgirl who is so flatly written and so painfully acted that she's almost a parody of herself. She spends most of the movie dancing naked, being mean to all the nice black people in her life, and stomping out of rooms. (She overreacts to things quite a bit.) While in Vegas, she encounters Cristal Connors, the star of a big Vegas topless show, whose main goal in the movie is to try and get into Nomi's spangled panties. There are a handful of other characters who amount to nothing, including a comedienne whose main reason to exist is to shove her large boobs out of her dress accompanied to a 'clown horn' noise, and together this ensemble of stereotypes and generally awful characters get into all kinds of intrigue- much of which is done naked.
So with all of this, why is Showgirls so memorable? Because it is... well, a delight. It is hilarious in a way that only Not Trying to Be Funny can be. These people don't know they're in a shitty movie- they're convinced they're making Citizen Kane, and that. is. hilarious. Just take this inane bit of dialogue:
Cristal: "I've had dog food."
Nomi: "You have?"
Cristal: "Mmm-hmm. Long time ago. Doggy chow. I used to love Doggy Chow."
Nomi: "I used to love Doggy Chow too!"
*They toast their tortilla chips*
Yes, that is not even sort of a joke. Any movie where two women flirt with each other over their mutual love of eat dog food is ok in my book.
The Princess Diaries
Released:
Starring: Anne Hathaway, Julie Andrews
Besides being the debut of Anne Hathaway, The Princess Diaries is remembered for being overly cutesy and improbably childish. It's about Mia, an awkward, frizzy-haired 15-year old (who seems to be more about 22,) who discovers that she's actually the princess of a very small land in Europe that seems to be part movie set, part dollhouse. She doesn't take kindly to this, because, you know, she's geeky! But then, with the help of her remarkably sophisticated grandmother, the Queen of said kingdom, she straightens her hair, becomes less dorky, and moves across the world to live in a place that's main source of income is pears.
That's an unfairly cynical summation of a really cute (in fact, sickeningly cute) movie that truly means well. Anne Hathaway shows true star power as Mia, and makes her more than a klutzy stereotype, and Julie Andrews... well, it's Julie Andrews. It's literally impossible for Julie Andrews to do any wrong. The movie is a fairytale in the purest sense, and it has absolutely no ties to reality whatsoever. Seeing Mia come out of her shell and accept that to make a difference in the world, you must often step out of your comfort zone, is genuinely moving. The problem with the movie comes with its setup- the plot is preposterously cloying. Mia's kingdom, Genovia, really seems like a halfhearted model of Disneyland's Fantasyland; the people are kind of hung halfway between the modern world and the medieval ages. It's partially cute, but partially irritating- in the sequel, there's even a mention of Mia having to marry in order to fulfill the rules, so there's a hamfisted "forced marriage" sequence. (Forced marriages, after all, are the worst thing that can ever befall a princess.)
Overall, the movie is cute and sweet, and that saves it from being terrible. Is it flawed? Absolutely. Is it enjoyable? Without a doubt.
And hey, speaking of fairytales..
Ever After
Released: 1998
Starring: Angelica Huston, Drew Barrymore
Part of me doesn't think Ever After belongs on this list. It's not a bad movie- it's pretty well made, is a creative and yet faithful adaptation of the Cinderella fairytale, and is overall the best movie on this list. I only list it because I'm embarrassed by how MUCH I like it. To say this is one of my all time favorite movies is an understatement- this movie literally changed my life. I watched it for the first time around the time it was released on home video (back when that was a thing.) Up until that time, most of the movies I'd been exposed to were Disney movies. I knew the story of Cinderella by heart. But to see it played out in an adult way, to see Cinderella become more than a passive, wistful dreamer, and to see her morph into a powerful character with political ideals, social justice tendencies, and a fully developed sense of self, was amazing. And of course, all the familiar elements are there. Angelica Huston plays the Wicked Stepmother, a gleefully evil but not quite developed character who is nonetheless enthralling. There are stepsisters, though only one is as evil and abusive as her mother; the other becomes Cinderella's (well, Danielle's,) ally in the end. The prince is a man who seeks something to live for, and finds it in this strong woman who baffles him so. And finally, Drew Barrymore brings life to Cinderella herself, though she is named Danielle in this story. She is a woman who is mature beyond her years: intelligent, compassionate, and very bonded with her family, but also well-read and fully aware of her place in the world. The fairytale is given the historical(ish) treatment, and so comes to life in a whole new way.
So what about this movie lands it on my Guilty Pleasures list? It's straight Woman Porn. I typically don't like movies that are shamelessly flaunted as Stuff Women Like, like Nicholas Sparks movies, romantic comedies, and anything starring Meg Ryan. Women Porn movies tend to overemphasize heavy handed emotions, shopping, and attaining and keeping a boyfriend too much for my tendencies. This is the rare movie that is plainly playing at a female demographic, and though it doesn't right out pander to them, it makes no qualms about laying on the schmaltz either. So while it is a good movie, it makes me feel no less guilty.
And speaking of that....
Legally Blonde:
Released:
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Selma Blair
This movie came out when I was 13 years old, and it seemed like a HUGE deal at the time. I loved Elle Woods, I thought she was hilarious, and it had some pretty scandalous (well, to my Southern, 13-year-old mind, they were scandalous) moments, such as mentioning *gasp* a gay character! But mostly what makes this movie so interesting, despite all its fluffy silliness, is Reese Witherspoon's Elle- she's like that popular girl in high school you always hated, but are surprised to find is actually an ok person. She's plucky, energetic, and not restrained by the fact that she likes law AND sparkly toenail polish. It's fun to see the 'be yourself' trope from the other end- popular people can be just as lame as nerdy people, and in the end, it's all about what you do with what you've got.
Grease
Released:
Starring: John Travolta, Olivia Newton John
You know about Grease, so I won't insult your intelligence by going into an explanation of the plot, what little plot there is. However, I will just list out the random questions that 'Grease' raises, but doesn't answer: How did Danny and Sandy possibly end up at the same school, when they aren't even from the same country? Why is Stockard Channing still in high school when she's at least 32? How did Rizzo think she was pregnant at the beginning of the school year, but just figure out she wasn't by the time graduation rolled around? What the hell is wrong with that guy from the other gang's pockmarked, craggy face? Where are these kids' parents? Why does that high school kid have 5:00 shadow at 7:00 in the morning? Why didn't I have a carnival at school when I graduated? How did that car fly off into the sky like that?
Screw it. It's a big dumb musical that makes me wanna dance, it doesn't have to make sense. Besides, it taught me a valuable lesson- ladies, if you want a man to like you, be more slutty. Bam, man acquired.
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
I am so embarrassed by how much I love this movie. I love the original Cinderella more, don't get me wrong, and I am of the belief, as is the majority of the world, that Disney sequels suck 99% of the time. However, this is one I really, REALLY like. It kind of takes the story of Cinderella into the future, and gives Cindy a 2010-ish makeover- she's still as pretty as we remember, but rather than being a sort of passive, 1950's protagonist, Cinderella saves herself, asserts her authority, and truly earns her happily ever after. There's also this great subplot about Anastasia, the pink stepsister, and her generally awkward personality and how she comes to love herself and her desire to be valued for who she is. It's not perfect, but I truly do think it's a damn good movie, and I'm ashamed to say it, but it's not just my favorite Disney sequel- it's one of my favorite Disney movies. Period. *hides in shame*
